September 26, 2022

Am I really upsetting people?

 People told me that I have upset many people, which maybe I admit it. But the truth is, I have to be the bad cop here cos people around me are dumb as fuck. 

The expect me to tell my parents what they did, but when I am upsetting them, I am to be blame. Like what the hell people, from now on, I will not involve in anyone problem anymore. You can go to jail, you can do dumb shit, and I will just fucking shut up. Live your live like how you want to live with. 

And what's your problem to be involved in my life? Connecting my fucking mom to my newly mother in law. And when I told them that I fucking pissed, suddenly give me some wisdom words from Allah swt. Just because you gave me His words, doesn't means you can have the pass to step over the boundaries in my life. And just because mom started to be nice with you, showers yourself with good treatments, means that you can tell me to be nice to mom too. 

You can be hypocrite as much as you want, but don't drag me into this. I like the way it is and I do not plan on changing it ever. 

So go fuck yourself.  

September 01, 2022

Farm animal?

Today I found out that my baby sister might be suicidal. 

We found few scratch scars on the arm. My heart immediately beat harder than it could. I could never imagine this would be one of my worries. I know that she's only 14 yo but I can imagine there's a lot of stuff on her plate. 

She's living with my dad at home, and things at home are rough. Dad kept on shouting when asking for her help, not sure why, maybe he has unresolved issues himself, but that shouldn't be any reason for him to treat her poorly. 

And here I am far far away to help her. I feel hopeless. I cannot give her any mental support that she needs. I can't bring her away from dad too. Tbh, my dad is not perfect. Most of the time I hate him too. He's selfish, he's boastful, he's proud, and he's not a good dad. One time, when I told him that he should give my sister more attention and love, he told us that his job is to "Just feed and give shelter to her". Like what the hell does that means? She's not a farm animal to feed and give shelter, then slaughter the animal. 

It anger me. 

April 04, 2022

Gambia scam

 Hello everyone,

How's everyone going? 

Before I left, I found that my dad has been in contact with potential scammer. The story is so weird to be true. There's this lady that he met online, they were supposedly to be dating I think and he wanted to bring this lady back to Malaysia so that he can bring her out from a refugee camp in Gambia. I'm like, this is sketchy as fuck. He paid for a fake passport for this person so that she can travel to Malaysia. But then she died due to some shocking illness and unable to come to Malaysia. Apparently, when she died she inherited tones of gold and an unfinished hotel to my dad. The inheritance was from her late husband who was shot and killed for whatever reason.

I'm already cringed at this moment. 

So a lawyer contacted my dad that he needs to settle this inheritance as he was named as a successor. A witness was there and she used to work with this lady at a refugees camp. Oh bare in mind that there are   4 characters in this story already. More to come haha.

There are neighbor and a best friend who come later into this story to make this scam more realistic. I have found evidence that this witness lady who claimed to work with UNICEF did not exist. But of course they change their story that she is working in UNICEF on behalf for the government. The story is more implicated than this but I’m not gonna waste my energy on this weird fuck.

It's so obvious that this is a scam right? Even everyone who heard this story might agree with me. But why is my dad is so blinded with this that he cannot think straight? It's so frustrating. 

He told me that because there are paper documents for the will and other documents (this can easily be forged) , everything else that might be true. I am honestly too tired with this. I have tried my best to convince him and all he can say about me is that I am emotional. So that's it. He can go fuck with himself. 

I have sucks parents. 

May 15, 2020

Europe Backpacking - Netherlands again! (Part 1)

Hello people,

How's everyone today? How do you feel like during this pandemic time? It's been almost 2 months and I hope everyone is keeping their sanity alive.

Before this pandemic happened, I had a chance to visit the Netherlands to meet the dude. Well you know who. As crazy as it seems, I made an impulse decision to meet him. So here's what I did for two weeks there.

Among all the bad decisions that I made while traveling, this is the worse travel time that I chose. My flight schedule was so insane that made me realize that saving few hundreds is not worth it. So please people, do not make the same mistake that I did.

February 23-24. Flight from Kuala Lumpur - Abu Dhabi - Amsterdam
After arriving to Amsterdam, I took a train to Delft (cos that's where the dude lives). The train is around an hour long so I had time to rest.

February 25. We travel to Den Haag
Because both of us are suckers for museums, our first place to visit is the Mauritshuis museum. This museum display many spectacular paintings from Rembrandt, Van Gogh, and more. I bet you can recognize few paintings.


This is the famous painting of the girl with pearl earring. This is one of Vermeer famous painting. Fun fact, Vermeer is a dutch! What makes this painting famous is that the subject is an imaginary figure. In this case, the girl is wearing exotic dress, wearing oriental turban, and an improbably large pearl earrings. This style does not fit the era when Vermeer was painting it.







If you ever watch the Goldfinch movie, the movie was inspired by this painting. This is the painting by Carel Fabritius dated 1654. What makes the painting famous is the way that Fabritius portray the bird so lifelike, endowing this modest subject with his skills and talents.
Honestly, this become my favorite painting now. And I even got a postcard with this painting on!

While we were there, there's this extra exhibition of George Stubbs. He basically studied about the anatomy of horses and painted them. You know that during this time, people are proud of their horses. It's like a sign of wealth and power. Stubbs did an excellent work in painting horses and his most achievable painting is this horse named Whistlejacket. If you had the chance to visit this museum, look for this painting cos it's a very huge canvas and the horse is life-size. You really feels like the horse right next to you!










February 26: We travel to Rotterdam!
Here's the highlight of our trip. We're going to Kinderdijk! To go to this place, we need to go to Rotterdam and take water buses from here. Water bus is just like ferry. 

Kinderdijk is one of the places that I do not mind going again. The journey to this place is insane but totally worth it. We need to take 2 water buses to reach here. We chose the wrong season to visit this place because the wind is just crazy and makes it unbearable. I was wearing a very thick jacket and still is cold. Rains + Wind is no joke guys, I almost froze on the water ferry. 

Kinderdijk is one of UNESCO heritage city, it places a lot of traditional windmills and the view is just breathtaking. We managed to walk around along the wind and took nice pictures. When we're done, it's time for more water buses to go back to Rotterdam. 

Once in Rotterdam, we walked around the city. Compare to other places in Netherland, Rotterdam is quite a modern city. All the buildings are aesthetic and modern architecture which is nice. You'll find colorful and weird buildings here. Here's one of them.

After the walking, we feel hungry. So what's better place to go in Rotterdam than Market Hall! 
When we reached here, I was glad to be indoor at last. Here, you'll find all sort of foods from street food to international cuisine. We got our meals and now for snacks. So we treat ourselves with fresh stroopwafel and poffertjes. Poffertjes is like mini pancakes serves with powdery sugar and stroopwafel is cinnamon thin wafel. Delish! 


I think that's it for today, there's more places we went so wait for Part 2!



January 31, 2020

Heartbroken 4

I'm heartbroken, I'm financially broke

What else can be worse?

Rindu, rindu sangat that it hurts so bad

January 30, 2020

Heartbroken 3

I miss you so much
that you had to appear in my dream
to make me feel your presence

January 29, 2020

Heartbroken 2

It's been more than a week. There's so many things I want to say, so many things I want to ask.

But I didn't say anything,
because I'm afraid,
I'm afraid of your answer.
I'm afraid to be more broken from your words.

Please give me strength,
I just want the time to past and everything will be back to normal.

I'm not strong.